Getting it Right

One of the things I have had to reconcile was not belonging to a church. (Yes, there's quite a backstory to explain this, but I can only share parts of it with you. This isn't a Jerry Springer episode, you know.) I was born Catholic, baptized as a baby, had godparents, but since we did not attend or belong to a Catholic church, that was as far as my 'education' in that department went. Later on I went to Sunday school and youth group for a few years at a Christian church, and only a few services at holidays. When I visited my grandparents, we sometimes went to (Catholic) services.

The result of this is that I reached adulthood with a strong faith in God - ok, maybe that's because I didn't go to Catholic school, at least judging by all the ex-Catholics I have met who are now at best atheists - but I am sure it is because of the stories and values my mother raised me with. But I had an ambivalent attitude towards the Catholic church - even though they claim to be the 'true' church, and therefore the one I should belong to. Certain things like priests not being able to marry, the Pope living in such luxury, eating fish on Friday, praying to saints instead of just directly to God, etc. just seemed silly. And then there was the whole concept of people who made it to mass regularly but didn't apply what they were learning to their lives during the week. That seemed to indicate some flaw in the sermon. Sure enough, as I began researching churches online and reading the reviews, I kept hearing a common thread - 'liberal'. Now, let's not use this as a political term. Instead, it means anything NOT in keeping with what the Bible teaches us. The people writing these reviews were also apparently not attending church in order to learn the truth, or better themselves, but to feel comfortable. I have news for you - if you feel comfy in church, you aren't digging deep enough into your soul. Sure, it's nice to see your church family and worship together, but once that sermon gets going, it better pierce your heart or you are in trouble. None of us is ever going to get to a place in our lives when it's all good and we can just chill during a service. You need to listen, you need to reflect, and then you need to try to work on your issues. Until the day you die.

Despite the problems I had with the church, I felt guilty for not belonging to one, because God wants us to do so. I certainly wasn't going to convert and become a Methodist, or Protestant, or any of the other offshoots from Catholicism. So during this past year I kept searching, getting discouraged, searching again, praying.... Finally I found a website http://www.brookfieldchurchofchrist.com/index.html for a Christian church near where I live that offered Bible study - not just once a week, but also before every Sunday service. Bible study? GREAT!!! That's exactly what I wanted, to learn and talk about things and hash it out. Better yet, they posted sermons online so I could get an idea of what their 'slant' was. You know what? They didn't have a 'slant'. They strive only to create the church as Jesus established it, and to study the Bible for all direction and guidance. One of the online sermons addressed the issue of church structure, and why the Catholics and everyone else gets it wrong. The next Sunday I showed up for study and service, tried a study class during the week, made it more or less regularly for the next month, and then got baptized. Mission accomplished! My promise kept to God, but only with His help.

Hello, My Name Is...

So....why this as a blog topic? Funny you should ask. Lots of things have been happening to me in the past two years, shaking me up and frankly making me nuts. My life, up to this point, has had its share of tribulations and drama, but overall it has sort of all worked out just fine. But now I have entered the 'what is the point of my life' phase, and most days I feel like I could just jump out of my skin with impatience and frustration. Before I continue let me be very clear on one point - I have always believed in God, from a Christian standpoint, so that includes Jesus. Back in high school, when everyone else was lost and trying to figure things out, I was solid. And I still am. My frustration is towards the world. My impatience is with myself for not being able to find what my place should be, and in being cowardly about certain things. God has taken care of me my entire life, and He isn't going to drop me off a cliff now, so to speak. It just feels like so much time has been wasted with the education I chose, and the jobs I have held, when there are so many more meaningful, useful, serviceable things I could have done. And could be doing. Self-examination is never a fun or peaceful activity, but that's ok as long as the result is a better product. So back to the 'why' of the blog...partly to help myself, mostly as a testament to God's grace, and hopefully to help anyone out there struggling with their own questions or doubts about Christianity.